after the holidays

after you celebrate your human holidays and such, get on back over here to view some of the new things i'll be releasing for the new year.  there is a new zazzle store upcoming.  you can keep and eye on it at  http://www.zazzle.com/badbadpenguin
i'll keep you informed on the progress and new grand opening.

bully beatdown

okay i just saw the coolest thing.  bully beatdown!  some poor sap that's been gettin' the crap kicked out out him for years, calls mtv and tells them about it.  they challenge the bully to a battle with a known fighter, kick-boxer, whatever, and the bully gets messed up.  its awesome.   these guys are ego maniac douchebags who somehow deluded themselves into thinking that they are somebody.  their kissing their guns and posing and crap and then this boxer comes in and knocks their blocks off. 

bad penguin pick up line #2

hey sorry for the total lack of attention lately. i really missed you.  i've been, you know hangin' out with the fellas, chillin', doing what we penguins do.  but i promise to keep in touch more often from now on.


you think that'll work?  i hope so. 'cause i'm horny and she's the last number in my little black book.

bad penguin jokes

you gotta love bad penguin jokes, right?

here's one that I found to be kinda sick and, therefore, pretty damn funny.

Badtux the Snarky Penguin: Bad penguin joke

Here are a few more I got from various websites: 

a man was driving down the highway with a car full of penguins. Penguins sticking out the windows, penguins coming out the sunroof, penguin everywhere. A cop pulled him over and told him if he didn't want a ticket he`d better take those penguins straight to the zoo. The man promised he would and drove off.  The next day, the same highway, the same car, the same guy, the same cop and the same penguins - only this time the penguins were all wearing sunglasses! The cop pulled the guy over and said, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!""I did" said the guy, "Today I`m taking them to the beach!"

 What´s black and white and goes round and around? 

 A Penguin in a revolving door.
 

Q: Why don´t you see Penguins in Britain?
A: Because they´re afraid of Wales.
 

Q:  A Penguin´s favorite pop star?
A: Seal.  
 

Q: Why don´t Penguins like rock music?
A: They only like sole.

 

got any penguin jokes? i will post 'em here.  here's one not penguin related:

What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
 A navel.

bloody friday

get ready for it.  the new line is out and you can catch it  at zazzle, where you can find all of the bad penguin  merchandise.  get your bad penguin bags, shirts, aprons, key chains, ball caps, and beer mugs.  have a tall frosty one in a mug that’ll make all of your friends jealous. 

as for tonite’s premiere, sometimes I act out and the results can be bloody.  just don’t spill my beer and we’ll be just fine. 

holiday crap

     listen, the holidays are all about family, snow, food, lots of friggin eggnog, and smokes.  it's great.  you get enough whiskey in 'em, the folks start dancing around and cursing each other out.  winter's a great all around time to be a penguin. or whatever you are.
    i got just the perfect shirt and mug to complete your holiday happiness.  get one for yourself.  then be a good buddy and get one for a friend.

   

so i got going on the holiday's early this year and got my holiday line out already.   you can check out everything at  Zazzle.  but you can get a sneak peek here and now.  

don't forget i got something new for ya this Friday at midnight.  if you can stay up that long.

Be cool penguin by sanslumiere

Browse Cool T-Shirts

pity sex is the best

so, i'm at the bar horny as a toad, thinkin i'm gonna end up with my junk in my hand again tonite and i get a brilliant idea.  pity sex.  i played up my break up from psycho chick, you know, looking sad and shit, and this chick gets on board.  rubbing my arm and back.  pretty soon she was rubbing somethin else, you know.  hell i gotta try this more often, eh.

time travel proved! maybe..

okay check this out.  this filmmaker thinks he may have found a real time-traveller  talking on a cellphone,  taped in a  1928 Charlie Chaplin film. crazy right?  Maybe not, though. 


read the article and watch the video and tell me what you think:

what’s new, buttercup

looks like I have a new something or the other coming out this Friday at midnight. 
no preview this time, just know that i’m a bad bad penguin. i think you’ll enjoy it. 
until Friday, though, check out some of my products at Zazzle.  i got mugs and shirts and aprons and bags and all kinds of other  stuff. 
what’s more fun than getting a new beer mug?  getting one with my face on it.
if you don’t like what you see… eh, so what. 

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let's get high

you ever been so high you threw up? uh, yeah, me neither.

i do love fish, but...

okay, ladies, just because i eat fish doesn't mean i want everything i eat to smell like it.  washing works.

penguin pimpin'

that's right baby i'm a superstar!

so the new Bad Penguin  Pimp line is a go.  if you haven't seen it check it out at Bad Penguin Apparel on http://zazzle.com/sanslumiere*.  my favorite is the beer mug.  nothing better than drinking a beer from a mug with my face on it.  i know you'll agree.   

uh, duh dude or his doll wife is not liked by his parents:

So this guy has a sex doll, i'm sorry, a $5,000 Real Doll wife and she starts to fall apart apparently "literally bed-ridden", so the guy  gets her repaired and re-incarnated into the newest $6,500 version.  okay, i'm not payin' for it if it's real, i'm sure as hell not payin' $10,000 for rubber.  Ha

Is that skeleton jacking off?

so cracked has this article about the six creepiest real places and yeah i'd rather cut my penguin jewels off than visit any of these crazy looking sites.  are you scared yet?  

We bones, lying here bare, are awaiting yours.  yeah that's not creepy at all

scientist details how to make zombies realistic

you gotta love it when even the Scientists get into zombies.  check out this article on Sy-fy.  You believe in zombies? they creep me out.  good thing there are no penguin zombies

Penguin Sneak Peek

here's a sneak peek of my new line coming out on Bad Penguin Apparel  this Friday.  it's friggin awesome,  right?  hit me back. tell me what you think

beer, good

you know how a good beer makes you really horny?  yeah, me neither.

my favorite things

nothing better than sex, a cig, and a cold beer.  not necessarily in that order. preferably all at the same time. yeah

Peeing funny

Man, don't you hate it when you go to pee and it won't come, then finally it does and you pee everywhere?  Yeah, me neither.

break up

so, i was mackin' on this hot chick with legs up to her neck at the new club and my girlfriend walks in with a couple of her friends.  shit.  I thought she was going to the movies and here they go walking into the club.    she's yelling and cursing and her crazy friends are egging her on.  what the hell is she doing there anyway, besides blowing my high?  and the new piece ran off as soon as the drama began.  so i didn't get laid that night.  i did get shit-faced.  but hey, ladies, the Penguin is single again.

i'm the Bad Penguin

hey, you may have heard of me, i'm the muthafuckin' Bad Penguin.  if you don't know me, chances are you're a moron.  i'm gonna school you about life.